Queering the Faith
Sally Goldner needs no introduction. She has been a tireless advocate and activist for the LGBTI community involved with such groups as TransGender Victoria, the No to Homophobia Campaign, Victorian Gay and Lesbian Rights Lobby, Bisexual Alliance Victoria, Melbourne Queer Film Festival and broadcaster for community radio station 3CR, among others. Goldner is also a featured author in Heaven Bent: Australian lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and intersex experiences of faith, religion and spirituality. Here we present an excerpt from Goldner’s chapter titled, ‘From diversity comes spirituality’:
My soul is made up of so many snippets and pieces. I was brought into the world via Jewish parents so I am Jewish by birth, or as I say ‘technically Jewish’. Despite being ‘technically Jewish’, my journey until now has however, been enriched by an incredibly diverse range of religious and spiritual experiences.
I have heard spirituality referred to as ‘the deepest values and meanings by which people live’. During my journey I have discovered that my deepest value is ‘diversity’. Consequently, my spirituality, like so much of my life, is best described by the word ‘diversity’.
Anglican School for ‘boys’
Within an Australian Jewish scale, my parents referred to themselves as Liberal Jews, comparable to the Anglican Church in a Christian scale. However, I would suggest that my parents were closer to the Reform/Progressive Jews – in Christian terms this made them more like the Uniting Church of Australia. When looking at which school to send me in the late 1960s, my parents decided that none of the Jewish schools met what they wanted. Subsequently they chose a non-Jewish school for ‘educational reasons’ and sent me to the Anglican Brighton Grammar.
Through no fault of my parents, after they put my name down for the school there was a change in leadership to a very conservative principal. Consequently, we would have ‘chapel’ at least three times a week and hell awaited any pupil or teacher who missed the Founders’ Day Service in March – with instant expulsion for any student or termination for any teacher without a medical certificate! Check out the 1939 classic film Goodbye Mr Chips to get an idea of it.
The film was set from 1880 to 1930 and I was at Brighton Grammar from 1970 to 1982! With the change of leadership, the all-boys Brighton Grammar school became even more of an out-dated relic than it already was.
I have only two memories of anything ‘queer’ being mentioned at school. In year 10 – 1980 – the school chaplain told us that ‘there are people known as homosexuals – these people are sick and need our help.’ While I knew what he was saying was wrong, I just did not know what was right. The second mention came when the school sign on New Street Brighton was vandalised. It was a moment of irony when the sign that proudly proclaimed Brighton Grammar as ‘an Anglican school for boys’ was changed to ‘an Anglican school for poofs’.
Coming out
When I was twenty-nine two books assisted me in my ‘coming out’. At the time I was reading Stephen Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and Louise L Hay’s You Can Heal Your Life. The books are vastly different from each other, yet they both provided me with the strength and faith that I needed during the difficult four-month period of coming out.
When I came out as trans (cross-dresser) in 1995, it was the first big proactive decision I had ever made for myself in my entire life. Without realising it at the time, it had given me the solid foundation to start digging and questioning many aspects about my life. As I began to question my sexuality, it became increasingly apparent that I was bisexual. With gender and sexuality successfully questioned and answered, it was time to take a look at my faith.
Queering faith
When I began to explore my faith I first connected to a Jewish group for gay and bisexual men called ‘Aleph Melbourne’. While Aleph was not quite for me, I soon discovered the Jewish Lesbian Group (JLG) in Melbourne, and in particular, their women’s Seder. Their Passover Seder performed the service from a woman’s perspective, pointing out the contributions of Miriam and various other women of Judaism. It was at these gatherings that I felt for the first time a sense of empowerment, rather than disconnection, from Judaism.
I first attended the Women’s Seder in 1998, at the same time as I was permanently transitioning to life as a female. At a Seder service Jewish people traditionally spill ten drops of wine to symbolise the ten plagues of Egypt (Shemoth/Exodus 8-12). When we performed this ritual at my first Women’s Seder, there was a moment of both humour and liberation when I decided to add an eleventh drop for a contemporary plague afflicting Australia – Prime Minister John Howard.
The Women’s Seder in Melbourne had provided me with the strength that I needed on my trans journey. At the time transphobia was rife within the broader Queer Community and people frequently suggested that trans women were not ‘real’ women. However, at the JLG I never encountered any transphobia and was made to feel very welcome at the Women’s Seder.
Around this time I also connected with the predominantly lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender Metropolitan Community Church (MCC) in Melbourne. While I do not have, and never could have an emotional connection to Christianity, attending MCC helped me realise not all Christians were like Brighton Grammar and its over- zealous principal. Meeting the people at MCC helped me to peacefully resolve my Anglican high school past.
Today I can go to a MCC church service and not freak out. I give thanks in particular to the Reverend Heather Creighton, who provided me with plenty of support, both in her official capacity as a Minister as well as through her capacity as a caring person.
Finding new spiritualties – cutting ties
These positive religious experiences allowed me to clear away all the negativity surrounding faith in my life and I was finally able to start my own spiritual journey. In early 2003 I went to see an amazing performer called Wendy Rule, who refers to herself as a ‘musical witch’. I instantly connected with her show and discovered that the basic guidelines of Wiccan/Pagan spirituality resonated with me more than control-freak rules laid down by the Judeo-Christian scriptures.
In 2004 I gave an address to the congregation at the Melbourne MCC and was able to mention my connection to Wiccan and Pagan spirituality. It was an extraordinary experience, not just for me, but for the entire congregation.
It isn’t religion that holds Jewish people together
In Arthur Hailey’s 1979 novel Overload, the central character Nimrod Goldman is troubled by how to reconcile his Jewish faith. A chance meeting with a Rabbi gives him the answer. The Rabbi says:
‘It isn’t religion that holds Jewish people together. It’s a sense of community going back 5,000 years … I went to the wall in Jerusalem … it was a deeply emotional experience … [I] had a sense of belonging and pride.’
The Rabbi’s answer resonates with how I perceive my own connection to Judaism today. To celebrate 13 years of living as a female I am considering a bat mitzvah. While it is a little bit behind schedule, it will happen when it happens.
I recently read that spirituality is an inner path enabling a person to discover the essence of their being. It is no coincidence then that as I write this story about my spirituality I am at a friend’s place near Bendigo in rural Victoria. Here I can hear the natural sounds of the birds, the breeze and much more. When I am here, surrounded by nature, I am able to find my inner path and my spirit and spirituality become revived.
Heaven Bent: Australian lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and intersex experiences of faith, religion and spirituality is available at Hares & Hyenas bookshop, hares-hyenas.com.au (as well as other outlets – heavenbentbook.wordpress.com).
My soul is made up of so many snippets and pieces. I was brought into the world via Jewish parents so I am Jewish by birth, or as I say ‘technically Jewish’. Despite being ‘technically Jewish’, my journey until now has however, been enriched by an incredibly diverse range of religious and spiritual experiences.
I have heard spirituality referred to as ‘the deepest values and meanings by which people live’. During my journey I have discovered that my deepest value is ‘diversity’. Consequently, my spirituality, like so much of my life, is best described by the word ‘diversity’.
Anglican School for ‘boys’
Within an Australian Jewish scale, my parents referred to themselves as Liberal Jews, comparable to the Anglican Church in a Christian scale. However, I would suggest that my parents were closer to the Reform/Progressive Jews – in Christian terms this made them more like the Uniting Church of Australia. When looking at which school to send me in the late 1960s, my parents decided that none of the Jewish schools met what they wanted. Subsequently they chose a non-Jewish school for ‘educational reasons’ and sent me to the Anglican Brighton Grammar.
Through no fault of my parents, after they put my name down for the school there was a change in leadership to a very conservative principal. Consequently, we would have ‘chapel’ at least three times a week and hell awaited any pupil or teacher who missed the Founders’ Day Service in March – with instant expulsion for any student or termination for any teacher without a medical certificate! Check out the 1939 classic film Goodbye Mr Chips to get an idea of it.
The film was set from 1880 to 1930 and I was at Brighton Grammar from 1970 to 1982! With the change of leadership, the all-boys Brighton Grammar school became even more of an out-dated relic than it already was.
I have only two memories of anything ‘queer’ being mentioned at school. In year 10 – 1980 – the school chaplain told us that ‘there are people known as homosexuals – these people are sick and need our help.’ While I knew what he was saying was wrong, I just did not know what was right. The second mention came when the school sign on New Street Brighton was vandalised. It was a moment of irony when the sign that proudly proclaimed Brighton Grammar as ‘an Anglican school for boys’ was changed to ‘an Anglican school for poofs’.
Coming out
When I was twenty-nine two books assisted me in my ‘coming out’. At the time I was reading Stephen Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and Louise L Hay’s You Can Heal Your Life. The books are vastly different from each other, yet they both provided me with the strength and faith that I needed during the difficult four-month period of coming out.
When I came out as trans (cross-dresser) in 1995, it was the first big proactive decision I had ever made for myself in my entire life. Without realising it at the time, it had given me the solid foundation to start digging and questioning many aspects about my life. As I began to question my sexuality, it became increasingly apparent that I was bisexual. With gender and sexuality successfully questioned and answered, it was time to take a look at my faith.
Queering faith
When I began to explore my faith I first connected to a Jewish group for gay and bisexual men called ‘Aleph Melbourne’. While Aleph was not quite for me, I soon discovered the Jewish Lesbian Group (JLG) in Melbourne, and in particular, their women’s Seder. Their Passover Seder performed the service from a woman’s perspective, pointing out the contributions of Miriam and various other women of Judaism. It was at these gatherings that I felt for the first time a sense of empowerment, rather than disconnection, from Judaism.
I first attended the Women’s Seder in 1998, at the same time as I was permanently transitioning to life as a female. At a Seder service Jewish people traditionally spill ten drops of wine to symbolise the ten plagues of Egypt (Shemoth/Exodus 8-12). When we performed this ritual at my first Women’s Seder, there was a moment of both humour and liberation when I decided to add an eleventh drop for a contemporary plague afflicting Australia – Prime Minister John Howard.
The Women’s Seder in Melbourne had provided me with the strength that I needed on my trans journey. At the time transphobia was rife within the broader Queer Community and people frequently suggested that trans women were not ‘real’ women. However, at the JLG I never encountered any transphobia and was made to feel very welcome at the Women’s Seder.
Around this time I also connected with the predominantly lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender Metropolitan Community Church (MCC) in Melbourne. While I do not have, and never could have an emotional connection to Christianity, attending MCC helped me realise not all Christians were like Brighton Grammar and its over- zealous principal. Meeting the people at MCC helped me to peacefully resolve my Anglican high school past.
Today I can go to a MCC church service and not freak out. I give thanks in particular to the Reverend Heather Creighton, who provided me with plenty of support, both in her official capacity as a Minister as well as through her capacity as a caring person.
Finding new spiritualties – cutting ties
These positive religious experiences allowed me to clear away all the negativity surrounding faith in my life and I was finally able to start my own spiritual journey. In early 2003 I went to see an amazing performer called Wendy Rule, who refers to herself as a ‘musical witch’. I instantly connected with her show and discovered that the basic guidelines of Wiccan/Pagan spirituality resonated with me more than control-freak rules laid down by the Judeo-Christian scriptures.
In 2004 I gave an address to the congregation at the Melbourne MCC and was able to mention my connection to Wiccan and Pagan spirituality. It was an extraordinary experience, not just for me, but for the entire congregation.
It isn’t religion that holds Jewish people together
In Arthur Hailey’s 1979 novel Overload, the central character Nimrod Goldman is troubled by how to reconcile his Jewish faith. A chance meeting with a Rabbi gives him the answer. The Rabbi says:
‘It isn’t religion that holds Jewish people together. It’s a sense of community going back 5,000 years … I went to the wall in Jerusalem … it was a deeply emotional experience … [I] had a sense of belonging and pride.’
The Rabbi’s answer resonates with how I perceive my own connection to Judaism today. To celebrate 13 years of living as a female I am considering a bat mitzvah. While it is a little bit behind schedule, it will happen when it happens.
I recently read that spirituality is an inner path enabling a person to discover the essence of their being. It is no coincidence then that as I write this story about my spirituality I am at a friend’s place near Bendigo in rural Victoria. Here I can hear the natural sounds of the birds, the breeze and much more. When I am here, surrounded by nature, I am able to find my inner path and my spirit and spirituality become revived.
Heaven Bent: Australian lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and intersex experiences of faith, religion and spirituality is available at Hares & Hyenas bookshop, hares-hyenas.com.au (as well as other outlets – heavenbentbook.wordpress.com).
